Let's try and figure out the official timeline as set out in the 'Belinda Blinked' books. For now, we are taking content from books 1 - 6 and the Christmas chapters.
Belinda's interview at Steele's will be treated as Day one, and I will take cues from the chapters themselves to figure out what the rest of the chronology is. We will be including the extra information on Rocky's Website as canon also.
A modern story of sex, erotica and passion. How the sexiest sales girl in business earns her huge bonus by being the best at removing her high heels.
Length 69 pages
Published 2015
Chronology note: This is the beginning of the series, and is treated as day one.
Day1
Summary
Thursday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda interviews for Steele's Pots and Pans.
She is offered the position of Sales Director after stripping for the MD, HR Director and Giselle.
Belinda Blumenthal
Tony
Bill
Giselle
Plot notes
While the book never establishes the date this all takes place, we know this is 2015 from Belinda's CV.
Belinda has a staff of 28 to manage, which is never again addressed outside her Regional Sales Managers.
Three weeks later
Day22
Summary
Thursday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda gets ready for her first Regional Sales Meeting
Tony and Giselle invite Belinda to the Leather Room
Bella
Continuity alert
On the previous day, Giselle is said to be 26, on this day she is said to be 24.
During the afternoon, Belinda notes that her first 'Regional Sales Meeting' is in 12 hours, which would be Friday morning at 3 am.
Plot notes
This day is said to be three weeks after her interview.
According to the bonus chapter on Rocky's Website, Bella is said to be around 40 - 41 years of age as she sat her A-levels in 1990. Since this timeline was published Rocky has changed the text of this chapter to omit that detail.
Belinda checks the time via a Town Hall Clock, given the location of Steele's Pots and Pan's (Heathrow International Airport, see next day for more) this seems like an impossibility.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda arranges to go to the Charity BBQ and Tombola this Sunday (Day 25).
Bella asks Belinda to come to her place at 9:00 pm on Friday (Day 31).
Day23
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda has her first 'Regional Sales Meeting' with the Regional Sales Managers (RSMs)
The team have their lunch in the local pub (in Heathrow?) 'The Bull in the Rushes'
Belinda, Bella, Giselle and the RSMs engage in some public nudity in the 'Long Bar', located at The Pentra Hotel.
Jim Thompson
Des Martin
Dave Wilcox
Patrick O'Hamlin
Ken Dewsbury
Donna (?)
Continuity alert
Bella is mistakenly called 'Donna' a few times, either that or Donna is a new character.
Reality check
The office is said to be so close to Heathrow that taxis won't take a fare. The TFL website outlines that there is no minimum distance for a journey. The minimum fare from TFL is £2.60 which covers 234.8 metres or 50.4 seconds. This means that Steele's Pots and Pan's offices have to be less than 234.8 meters from Heathrow. No terminal is mentioned in particular.
Getting naked in a hotel bar would likely result in an arrest.
Day24
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda tours the 'cookshops' of London's Oxford Street.
In the evening she researched the people attending the upcoming BBQ & Tombola.
None
Day25
Summary
Sunday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda 'motors' to Windsor and checks into The Horse & Jockey B&B.
Belinda and Tony travel to the Chairman's house
3.00 pm - Belinda is placed in the maze and Bella & Giselle are placed nearby
3.00 pm - Belinda encounters Alfonse Stirbacker
3:00 pm - Bella entertains Clarence and is later discovered by the Duchess
3.20 pm - Belinda squats for Jim Stirling
3:40 pm - Belinda becomes spiritually tethered to Peter Rouse
4:00 pm - Giselle begins to entertain the three Irish McDonagh brothers
4:00 pm - Belinda attends the Tombola and is won for £200 by The Duchess
Belinda travels to a Motel with The Duchess
8:00 pm - Belinda arrives at the Horse and Jockey
8:10 pm - Belinda has dinner
11:00 pm - Belinda returns to the lobby to meet Peter Rouse
11:30 pm - Peter Rouse arrives
11:50 am - Belinda and Peter put on a show in the hotel lobby
1:00 am - Belinda watches Peter as he sleeps for an hour
Belinda entertains Sam (The Youngish Man)
Alfonse Stirbacker
Jim Stirling
Peter Rouse
The Duchess of Epsom
Clarence, The Duke of Epsom
Sam
Sean McDonagh
Kevin McDonagh
Danny McDonagh
Continuity alert
Tony tells Belinda she will be in the maze for just under 2 hours, but she only spends an hour there at most.
Ok, so the three Glee team members start entertaining guests at the same time. Belinda entertains three people in an hour (given each of them were with her for 20 minutes). Giselle later tells Belinda that she did nothing for the first hour. After an hour, Belinda leaves the Maze and mentions seeing Giselle, but at that time she would have only been meeting the McDonagh brothers.
When Belinda leaves the Duchess (at around 7 pm - 8 pm), she notes that in four or five hours her 12-hour contract will have expired. At that point, she was at most 3 hours into the contract. Her calculations are way off, it would have expired around 4-5 am.
Plot notes
Chapters 4 - 11 are spent almost entirely on this single day, 50% of the book is spent on Day 25 in this story.
The first mention of the Glee Team
Giselle reveals her degenerative hair condition.
Foreshadowing
Belinda becomes spiritually linked to Peter Rouse, via an agreement to become his sex slave and ancient symbols.
The first mention of Peter Rouse's wife, Chris. Albeit not by name.
Reality check
Again, Belinda would likely have had the police called on her for public nudity and lewdness in the hotel with Peter.
The podcast establishes well the fact that Peter could not have grabbed her cervix, but it bears repeating.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda arranges to meet Alfonse Stirbacker in Brussels but doesn't confirm a date.
Jim Stirling asks for Belinda to visit Texas. Belinda says she will in "three weeks", putting the visit around Day 46.
Peter Rouse asks to meet Belinda at 11:30 pm in the Horse and Jockey.
Belinda arranges to visit Peter in Amsterdam next Thursday (Day 29).
Day26
Summary
Monday - Date unknown (2015)
6:30 am - Belinda wakes and leaves 'The Horse and Jockey'.
Belinda returns to the Duchess for one last farewell.
9:30 am - Belinda returns to Steeles Pots and Pans
None
Plot notes
The Duchess becomes Belinda's slave.
Belinda notes that she was going to return the riding gear belonging to the Duchess, but Belinda doesn't seem to end up returning it.
Reality check
Sam was working at least 10 hours straight, most likely longer given we don't know the start or end of his shift.
The Duchess had been chained up and abandoned (and also sound asleep) for around 10 hours and 30 minutes.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda and the Duchess arrange to meet in 3 weeks on the Isle of "Whyte", this would be on Day 47.
BOOK INTRO
Belinda Blinked; 2
The continuing story of, dripping sex, passion and big business deals.: Keep following the sexiest sales girl in business as she earns her huge bonus by removing her silk blouse.
Length 120 pages
Published 2016
Chronology note: Book two begins during day 26, which will continue below.
Day26
Summary
Monday - Continued - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda meets with Tony
Belinda and Giselle go to The Ritz Spa
Giselle tells Belinda her side of the Tombola affair
None
Plot notes
Giselle and Belinda deepen their friendship.
Reality check
There is no mention of Belinda having Breakfast before going on to have four glasses of Champagne on an empty stomach at the Ritz. Rough.
Racism/generalisation alert
Belinda and Giselle agree that the Irish are hard to pin down and squirm "like worms".
Day29
Summary
Thursday - Date unknown (2015)
3:30 pm - Belinda arrives in Amsterdam(mmmm)
Before 4:00 pm - Belinda meets Christina
4:00 pm - Belinda meets Dr Robbins and Helga
5:30 pm - Belinda meets Peter Rouse
8:00 pm - Belinda visits the restaurant with Peter
Belinda meets Grigor, Lara and the Countess at the casino
Belinda leaves the casino with Grigor and goes to the Zara's Club
Dr Robbins
Christina Rouse
Helga
Grigor Calanski
Lara
The Countess Zara of Leningrad
Continuity alert
Sometime after 5 pm, Belinda notes that the sun is setting. If the sun were to set in Amsterdam between 5 pm and 6 pm it would mean this day would have taken place between October or November. For reasons we will see later, this is an impossibility.
The NHS recommend that people shouldn't drink more than 14 units of alcohol in a week. Belinda drank somewhere in the region of 17 units at dinner with Peter. (1 bottle of red wine, 350ml of port, 1 Campari)
Plot notes
This is the first mention of any of Belinda's friends, who are briefly described as being "unusual but good fun".
Grigor is the 'largest' supplier of Vodka and caviar to Peter's organisation. In book one, it is only established that his company sells kitchenware in a few countries.
Reality check
It remains unclear why Peter Rouse's company would be under the frequent threat of terrorist attacks.
For five minutes straight Dr Robbins says nothing, hums and hops from one foot to another while he simply observed her. Five minutes. This would be alarming to a regular person.
Belinda astutely notes that "Russia is a big place". Belinda is correct in that Russia is indeed a big place, however it is not a continent as she goes on to say.
Racism/generalisation alert
Belinda notes that all Scottish MPs dress in Harris Tweet.
Lara notes that English women are "Beautiful, but stupid". Belinda doesn't dispute this.
Day30
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
Peter drops Belinda off at the airport to return to London
Belinda meets the Dutch women heading to London ahead of the conference
Belinda meets Hazel
Des threatens to leave Steeles but Belinda manages to prevent him from doing so
Belinda catches up with Tony and Giselle
The Glee team meet Sir James Godwin at the Pentra
Bella recounts her time with Lord Duke Clarence
Betty Wilkes
Vicky Woods
Hazel
Sir James Godwin (Previously mentioned but never met)
Continuity alert
While the time that Belinda arrives at the Airport is not stated during the chapter, Peter told her she was returning on the 'late afternoon flight'. How come all the clothing stores are closed in the late afternoon on a Friday?
Giselle says that you can get a taxi between Heathrow and Steeles 'easily' when in Book 1 Chapter 1 it is explicitly said that you can't.
Plot notes
Belinda thinks the women bound for London were "trampishly" dressed. This is a bit rich. She turned up to the airport with no underwear wearing 'tired' shoes and by her admission needed to buy new clothes to make herself presentable for the flight.
Belinda notes that Tony gets angry every time she has to write off a car, suggesting it has happened at least 2 or more times. She has only been working for the company for 29 days.
Belinda asks the Glee Team to do a 'regional sales manager stunt' for Sir James. He isn't a regional sales manager, nor are the Glee team and the Regional Sales Managers themselves aren't present.
Sir James reveals that Christina Rouse is the same "Cris" that Belinda met in the elevator. Also, that she is his niece.
Reality check
In one of the few instances in which Belinda has to offer to buy someone a drink, she immediately tries to cheap out and get them some tea.
The Pentra was described as being jam-packed, which is unsurprising as it is a bar at London Heathrow Airport on a Friday evening. Sir James and the Glee Team's antics would once again lead to an arrest.
Belinda drank at least three G&T's and six glasses of Chardonnay today, but likely more given some of the glasses were filled 'to the brim' and at one point it's said they finished a bottle without giving glass amounts.
Bella thought "Talk about the relief of Mafeking." while Sir James molested her. Over 2,800 people died during the Seige/Relief of Mafeking and this is an absurd throwaway comment to associate with this encounter.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda arranges to give a presentation at the O2 Arena.
Grigor Calanski is said to be visiting in 10 days for an evening dinner, which would be on day 40 (a Monday).
Bella mentions that Belinda will be going to Texas next week.
Racism/generalisation alert
Belinda thinks all Dutch people dress in a certain way.
Day31
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Bella wake up having spent the night together in Bella's place.
Belinda and Bella travel to Forsters of Knightsbridge where they buy horse riding outfits.
Cedric the 'Retainer'
Adaam
Samantha
Plot notes
The 'difference' between Belinda and Bella's salary is £4,000, placing Bella's receptionist salary at £81,000. The average salary in London for a receptionist is £26,000.
The Duchess is from Epsom, the first mention of this in the books.
Belinda comments that she hadn't had a threesome in some time. She had one two days ago in Amsterdam with Grigor and Zara.
Bella spends £1,000 on a horse riding outfit that she has no use for.
Bella lives 20 minutes from Knightsbridge via the Underground, placing her within Central London (within zones 1-2 most likely)
Belinda mentions her father is a 'wine and spirits buff'. This is the first mention of her father.
Foreshadowing
Belinda instigated this wild spending spree, possibly hinting at her having extra cash from being 'The Special One'?
Belinda owning this horse riding outfit will come into play in future chapters.
Reality check
Bella is said to have had two bacon sandwiches in the cafe while waiting for the tube. I struggle to think of a tube line in Zone 1 - 2 that would be so infrequent that would allow for two sandwiches to be bought and consumed.
Belinda and Bella were only in Forsters 30 minutes or so by the time they had consumed a full bottle of champagne. It took 20 minutes for them to drink a second bottle and to have opened a third.
Belinda's Calendar
Back on Day 22, Bella invited Belinda to her place at 9 pm on Day 30. Them waking up together today shows that Rocky was correct in setting up and paying this off.
Day33
Summary
Monday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Bella travel to Texas to meet Jim Sterling.
They encounter Hazel, who takes them to a staff break area.
They arrive at Jim's hotel late in the evening and have a meal.
Jim returns late in the night and confides in Belinda that he has had surgery.
No new characters
Continuity alert
Belinda was scheduled to visit Texas three weeks after she met Jim in the Maze, however, she ended up going barely 8 days after she met him.
Plot notes
Belinda seems to have kept in touch with Hazel, after meeting her last week.
The last time we saw Jim was on day 25 (ten days ago). Meaning he has had incredibly little time to travel to Brazil, have the procedure and recover before meeting Belinda that night.
Blue. Semen.
Reality check
Belinda and Bella had drunk two bottles of Champagne and opened a third before meeting Hazel. They ordered another bottle after meeting Hazel.
They have travelled to Texas without confirming the meeting.
Jim is said to have "pushed through to her ovaries" during sex. I'm not going to add any note but just reference this outrageous statement.
Belinda says she spent £1,000 on that personal trainer. In a previous chapter, Belinda said she had 6 hours worth of sessions.
Foreshadowing
Jim mentions his Doctor Pal, who we go on to learn is Dr Ourigues.
Day34
Summary
Tuesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Bella have breakfast at Hanks hotel
Belinda, Bella, Jim and Hank attend a meeting
Belinda attends a soccer game with Hank, then goes to an Italian restaurant with him
Sydney
Hank Skank
Plot notes
Belinda once again strips and has sex with someone in a public setting.
Reality check
Belinda and Hank drank two carafes of red and white wine with dinner. Then ordered two bottles and drank them after the meal. They took a further two bottles of wine with them to the hotel. If a standard carafe of wine is 500ml this would amount to them sharing 4 litres of wine throughout the evening. Which is excessive, to say the least.
Hank "ripped her dress in two" but Belinda was somehow able to "fiddle with it" and make it presentable for the trip to the hotel
Day35
Summary
Wednesday - Date unknown (2015)
10:30 am - Belinda and Bella complete their meeting with Jim and Hank
Belinda, Bella, Jim, Sydney and Hank are flown by Virgil to the Lazy P Ranch
3:00 pm - Jim, Hank and Sydney are flown away, leaving Belinda and Bella with the Ranch hands
That evening Belinda and Bella fly to London
Virgil
Chuck
Doug
Plot notes
Jim is plotting to lure Bella to his company to be his VP in Brazil. Somehow the manufacturing deal he would make with Steele's would include this, according to Jim.
Belinda was so impressed by how the receptionist Bella conducted herself that she wants to promote her to the rank of Key Account Manager.
Day36
Summary
Thursday - Date unknown (2015)
3:55 pm - Belinda returns to Steeles Pots and Pans and demands a promotion for Bella
None
Plot notes
Belinda has accepted job orders that Steele's is incapable of completing, as Tony notes. Belinda seems to be unaware of their limits.
Foreshadowing
Tony questions whether Belinda is a "real person", furthering the notion that she is either an android or an alien.
BOOK INTRO
Belinda Blinked; 3:
The continuing erotic story of sexual activity, dripping action and even bigger business deals as Belinda relentlessly continues to earn her huge bonus.
Length 64 pages
Published 2017
Chronology note: Book three begins during day 36, which will continue below.
Day36
Summary
Thursday - Continued - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda learns of Tony and Giselles's engagement
Bella is promoted to Key Account Manager
None
Plot notes
Bella accepted a new position without any sort of job description.
Foreshadowing
Tony and Giselle are officially engaged.
Reality check
The promotion of Bella would be an HR nightmare. No other candidates interviewed or considered, no job description or discussion in any sort of detail.
As Giselle was falling over herself to show off the engagement ring, we can assume she got engaged very recently and hadn't happened a long time ago.
Day37
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda gives her presentation at the Millennium Dome Building
Belinda takes a taxi back to Steele's to debrief Tony
Belinda meets The Duchess at the Ritz Spa
They drive to Epsom Hall and the Duchess introduces Belinda to her private 'Boudoir'
Belinda attends the dinner and meets several of the Duchesses esteemed guests
Belinda gets dressed up in anticipation of spending the night with the Duchess but is given the cold shoulder.
Alfie
Tara Gold
Jim Walters
Norman Asquith
Chiara Monteague
Continuity alert
Belinda has given away 20,000 woks which are considerably more units than she has sold. As of this day, she has only shifted at most 8,000 units of stock and some of those were utensils that would cost less than a wok.
In the mudroom, Belinda notes that this was the first time she had relaxed all week. Not two days ago she was by a pool in Texas doing what can only be described as heavy relaxing.
Belinda says today is her only free afternoon for the next few weeks. However, two paragraphs later she says she is doing nothing for the next two days.
Plot notes
Belinda's speech was 74 words long.
Foreshadowing
The Duchess offers a toast to the Queen, who we will later learn has a close connection to her.
Belinda's Calendar
The Duchess references the shindig on the Isle of Whyte, which was referenced on day 25 and is still "scheduled" for day 47.
Reality check
The DLR does not service the O2 Arena / Millennium Dome Building. If Belinda leapt off it and into the Millennium Dome Building she would need to leap over the river Thames or leap onto the Jubilee line.
Racism/generalisation alert
Sir James refers to the French as 'frogs' and won't have anything to do with them.
Day38
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and the Duchess attend the under-nineteen ladies show jumping trials event in Batwood park.
6:30 pm - Belinda and the Duchess return to Epsom
Belinda leaves the Duchess at Epsom Manor and returns to London
Belinda crashes her car between Epsom and London
Penelope Pollet
Katerina Pollet
Marko Ourigues
Continuity alert
Belinda was supposed to stay for the weekend but ended up barely staying 24 hours.
Belinda crashed her car somewhere between Epsom and London. Epsom is about 20 miles southwest of London. Belinda notes that "there isn't a soul for 25 miles", which would mean that a massive amount of London would be abandoned for that statement to be true.
While on Dr Ourigues rug, Belinda notes that she doesn't want wine stains ruining her jacket. The previous sentence describes Belinda drinking a caipirinha cocktail, wine was never mentioned.
Plot notes
The show jumping event was taking place shortly after breakfast, but they were drinking G&T's and "ice cold" Australian chardonnay throughout.
The Duchess was naked when Belinda tossed her from the car onto gravel and sped off. This seems to be a rather harsh treatment of her mistress.
Dr Ourigues sees Belinda in a wing view mirror, indicating he drove past her (having seen her, given she was in the middle of the road) and upon seeing her in the wing view mirror stopped to offer assistance.
Belinda downplays the state of her car as having only a "flat tire", however, it was described earlier as being "smoking" and a "wreckage".
Jim Sterling seems to have told Marko all about Belinda and Bella when he had his surgery somewhere in the past few weeks. Although Marko recognised her breasts first and foremost, which raises lots of questions.
Belinda's Calendar
Penelope Pollet makes a vague arrangement for Belinda to visit Paris to secure the deal with Fivecarre.
Dr Ourigues asks Belinda to visit him in Rio. Much later in the first Christmas Chapter, Belinda is said to be going to Brazil for a Holiday.
Reality check
Belinda seems to be hiring her Mercedes long term, rather than leasing it out.
The Duchess was delirious after her encounter with Belinda in the car, which might suggest deeper physical or mental health issues.
This is at least the third time a car has been totalled since Belinda joined the staff of Steele's 38 days ago. The last time she thought about written off cars she said "Tony always got mad when she had to report a written-off car to him", suggesting that at that point she had done it two times or more.
Crime alert
Belinda had been drinking since just after breakfast indulging in some Gin and Tonics and ice-cold Australian chardonnay. Deciding to drunk drive The Duchess home, she understandably crashes the car.
Day40
Summary
Monday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda visits Claus Bloch at the Grosvenor Hotel
Claus Bloch
Continuity alert
This day has no explicit placement in the story but is between day 38 (Saturday) and day 41 (Tuesday). It is most likely the Monday (day 40) because Belinda is having a business meeting (unlikely on a Sunday) the next Chapter is a Tuesday.
Today was supposed to be the day Grigor Calanski visited London (10 days after encountering Belinda on day 30).
Plot notes
First solid bit of Belinda's backstory with the revelation she is from Kent.
After lunch, Belinda calls the lunch spectacular noting that she knows her exotic food. She had fish mousse and champagne. Wouldn't describe that as exotic.
Reality check
Again, sex in a public location. Don't know why I bother anymore.
Day41
Summary
Tuesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda travels to Brussels to visit Alfonse Stirbacker.
Belinda has lunch with Alfonse
Business with Stirbacker is concluded with an order for 7,000 units
Belinda and Alfonse take a tour of Madame Madeline Chocolat's factory
Belinda and Alfonse visit a private members club for the evening
Alfonse accompanies Belinda to her hotel
Madeline Chocolat
Monsieur Rideaux
Aldo Fellini
Plot notes
Belinda notes how far the business has moved on since the events at the maze. Her achievements are particularly notable since that was only 16 days ago.
The private members club "game" consisted of:
The women standing on chairs
The men taking off their clothes
The women taking off their clothes
The women getting off the chair
The men help the women onto tables
Their clothes were taken away from the guests "unbeknownst to them". Reasons for their clothes being donated were never made clear and would be fairly inconvenient as the participants didn't come prepared for this.
Reality check
When Belinda gets into the Quantro flavoured chocolate pool, the alcohol is described as being so strong that Belinda 'swooned' and had to be saved from being submerged in the chocolate. If the level of alcohol in the chocolate is so high that it's causing people in the factory to faint you might want to revisit your quantities.
Having a chocolate pool especially for personal/sex use indicates a level of wealth and abandon that is almost admirable. Who cleans it? Is it filled with expensive liquid chocolate every day?
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda arranges to visit one of her RSM's on Thursday and to do paperwork on Friday.
Crime alert
Alfonse hoping the video of Madeline and Belinda having sex would appear on YouTube would not only violate YouTube's terms of service but also constitute a crime as he doesn't seem to indicate caring about their consent. It's clearly stated nobody else was in the control room so only he would have access to the footage.
Day42
Summary
Wednesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda flies from Brussels to Yorkshire to meet Ken Dewsbury
Belinda and Ken travel to the Shakespeare Retail Stores headquarters
Belinda and Ken travel to his spare flat in Leeds
Ken attempts to record his evening with Belinda in his basement flat
Andy Milston
Ethel
Plot notes
The "big crisis" with Shakespeare seems to be Steele's Pots and Pans ignoring lorry drivers(?)
Andy Milston mistakes the term 'bareback' for 'commando' when describing Belinda's lack of underwear
Andy claimed to have never been unfaithful to his wife before. That being said he was ok with having a sexual encounter with Belinda for over 30 minutes in front of a large glass window through which all his employees could see. Poor Mrs Miltson.
There were 24 separate camera feeds from the flat in Ken's AV system
Belinda is consenting to be recorded this time, which avoids any pesky crime allegations for Ken. Although he was trying to do it secretly which means he didn't care for her consent.
Reality check
The cameras wires were "stapled to the walls" and the cameras themselves were visibly blinking red. I'm not sure on what planet Ken thought he was being discreet.
Day43
Summary
Thursday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda does some paperwork at Steele's
Maeve
Plot notes
Hazel is going to be brought along for Giselle's hen party despite only knowing Belinda for 12 days and never meeting Giselle (as far as the books show).
Day44
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
The Glee Team enjoy some drinks at the Pentra before meeting Hazel
Giselle receives a promotion to Key Account Manager for the Russian account
The Glee Team depart London for Malaga Airport, Spain.
The Glee Team begin the hen weekend on the Torremolinos Strip by harassing a Barman
They meet "Butch, the sunburnt kid".
Paddy the Barman
Miguel the Barman
"Butch"
Continuity alert
Today begins "days later" but the chapter makes it clear this day takes place directly after day 43.
Giselle mentions that she, Bella and Belinda have all had promotions recently. Belinda has not been promoted recently, she was hired 44 days ago but not promoted since.
Plot notes
Giselle is promoted to handle the Russian account, however, no deal has been done with them and Grigor has yet to visit London.
This seems like an unusual place to tell Giselle she had been promoted. She was also shocked and had not been informed this was a possibility.
It remains unclear what sort of hotel training Miguel would have to receive to be allowed to sexually interact with guests during working hours. One would imagine that would be prohibited?
Foreshadowing
Giselle receives a promotion, the Special One was said to have recently been promoted.
Reality check
There is no weekend edition of the Guardian.
Giselle is being whisked off to Spain without any clothes or belongings. She was only meeting the Glee Team at the Pentra (during working hours, 3:22 pm) for a drink. She was promoted and abducted to Spain instead.
In the time it took Bella to slide from her chair to the floor, Butch somehow managed to jump ashore and catch her from falling. Either she was sliding incredibly slowly or Butch was unrealistically fast.
As if congratulating her self restraint, Giselle notes that Tony would have preferred her to abstain from young flesh before the wedding. Minutes earlier she had performed oral sex on Butch.
One week later
Day51
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Des travel to Bargain Basement Land
Greta entertains Belinda while Des takes photos of the stock
Belinda and Des return to Belinda's central London flat
Greta
Hans
Plot notes
A full week has passed since the last time we saw Belinda.
Des Martins divorce has almost been finalised, continuing his descent.
Foreshadowing
The first mention of Bisch, as a competitor and Des Martin's previous employer.
Reality check
She was only in Spain for the weekend but is still suffering from a hangover caused by it. She would have returned to London five days ago.
Des Martin is said to have taken a few minutes to clear his head of Belinda's breasts before responding. A few minutes? Did he just stand there silent the whole time?
Belinda only expects to get one week of use out of her silk blouses, calling them "rags". Seems like she's either buying exceptionally low-quality clothes or is wearing them out at a crazy fast rate.
Racism/generalisation alert
Belinda generalises that all Japanese underwear is too small for herself.
BOOK INTRO
Belinda Blinked 4;:
An erotic story of sexual prowess, sexy characters and even bigger business deals whilst the darkness increases;
Length 82 pages
Published 2018
Series-level continuity note: It is established that the Herr Bisch meeting takes place "two weeks" after Belinda entertained Des on her waterbed on Day 51 (at the end of book 3). However, book four starts immediately after Belinda's water bed incident meaning the infamous Herr Bisch meeting with the Special One takes place chronologically at the same time as the end of book 4.
Chronology note: Book four begins on Friday day 51, which will be continued below.
Day51
Summary
Friday - Continued - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda mails used underwear to her main customers
None
Continuity alert
Tony and Giselle's wedding is tomorrow. They were engaged on day 36, which was just 15 days ago.
Plot notes
Belinda says that she was very, very bored of paperwork. I'm not sure mailing panties to creepy men counts as paperwork. Also, she had been to Bargain Basement land AND entertained Des Martin at her place earlier in this day. She has certainly not been doing work all day.
Belinda is said to have nodded off on one leg while taking off a pair of underwear. I'm not sure about you but when I am taking off underwear I am usually on one leg for a moment or two. Certainly not long enough to fall asleep.
Day52
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda entertains Chiara in her Penthouse apartment
Belinda seemingly confirms the existence of god in the church car park
Belinda attends the wedding of Tony and Giselle
Tony's brother George is reunited with his family
Belinda meets Countess Zara and Grigor
Belinda destroys the wedding cake with Jim Sterling by exuberantly having sex in front of it
Belinda encounters Doctor Robbins, Helga and the Rouses
Helga reveals that she is an F.B.I. agent
God
Mrs Maarschalkerweerd de Klotz
Mr Silvester
George Silvester
Continuity alert
Belinda makes a statement in her mind to God who nods in reply. (!) Belinda has a direct line to god and it's given less page time than her fucking underwear.
Plot notes
While Rocky starts with the day with "Fast forward", we have only advanced about 18 hours
Belinda still has the Jaguar car she got after writing off her old Mercedes.
Giselle's mother isn't actively suffering from the genital disease, as Belinda astutely notes
Belinda thinks to herself that Tony's Brother "wouldn't dare" when he attends the wedding. Given it turns out she knew who he was, it's a strange reaction to have.
Tony's hand was "firmly planted in Giselle's buttocks" as they walked out of the church. As she was wearing a wedding gown she would either need a backless dress or his hand would have to be stuck up her dress train to do this. Not the most discreet look, however, Bella and Belinda were just frigging each other off so who bloody knows.
Tony's brother George was in the SAS, and then until six years ago was a mercenary for a security company. Nothing is said about what he was doing in the six years before coming back to Tony or why he continued to 'play dead'.
Belinda notes that happiness moves the bowels. Disgusting.
Belinda notes that Jim Sterling's penis has aged in the 20 days since she last saw him.
Helga wears a fleece cocktail dress.
Foreshadowing
On the subject of her wedding, Giselle notes that she has "worked years to achieve this result" and that it was "another step in her life plan".
Tony is mentioned as being an army man, but given the ending to this book, he mustn't be very observant.
Many comments are made about Maeve not being trustworthy, despite being shown no evidence of this.
Sir James mentions Bisch again in his Best Man speech at the wedding, causing Bella to cough into her champagne.
Reality check
Engagement periods normally last longer than 16 days.
Belinda notes that she could see Giselle's nipples quivering the notes of the music as she walked up the aisle. Unless her nipples were made of some metal how would that be possible? Also, how revealing would her dress be if that was the case?
Bella and Belinda fingering each other during the wedding ceremony (to the point where there is a translucent patch in Bella's dress) would be obscene were it not for the fact that this is a wedding between Steele's employees.
After they were married, Tony and Giselle are noted as kissing "inappropriately", what does this mean? Were they like, really going to town on each other or something?
Maeve was justifiably not invited to the wedding, as she only started working for Steele's 9 days ago. That being said, people are attending this wedding who shouldn't be here.
Zara tries to recruit Maeve as a prostitute, promising her 'riches and spice' despite having called her shifty and untrustworthy in the previous sentence. Important to note that Zara didn't say "spices", and said "spice" singular, which is also a type of drug.
Shockingly, the F.B.I. does have overseas offices, just none (officially listed) in Amsterdam. They also do conduct international investigations although whether they care about pots and pans remains to be seen.
Helga's mission is to protect US companies from Russian espionage. Steele's isn't an American company and Bisch isn't Russian.
Racism/generalisation alert
Grigor calls Maeve a 'leprechaun' and addresses her by her nationality rather than her name.
Belinda's Calendar
The Steele's AGM is next week.
Belinda Bitched
In a fairly cruel move, Belinda lets Chiara believe she is coming to the wedding until the last moment. She let Chiara come over, bathe, get into her dress and presumably do her hair and makeup before telling her she wasn't invited causing her to break into tears. Chiara isn't the most endearing character but that's cold. After telling her she wasn't invited she tells Chiara she doesn't care if she stays or leaves and slams the "padlocked fire door" shut.
Belinda calls Bella a dog.
Belinda doesn't listen to Bella even though she was speaking directly to her.
In a further "fuck you" to Chiara, Belinda destroys the dress Chiara designed for her opting instead to wear a tablecloth
Day53
Summary
Sunday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda goes to the Ritz hotel to meet The Duchess and the Contessa Luccia Lorenzo
We learn that Sam (the youngish man) now works for Ritz Hotel as a bar manager
Belinda, The Duchess and Luccia attend the underground tavern Buckleys
Luccia and Belinda proceed into the back rooms, where they take drugs with Zachariah
Contessa Luccia Lorenzo
Zachariah
Continuity alert
Today is referenced as being "a week or so" after the charity shag session in Brussels where she met Aldo Felini. That event took place on day 41 and the earliest today could be is day 54. As the next day appears to be a Monday with Belinda returning to work, we are making the minor assumption that this day follows on from the previous one as no jump in time is given (and Rocky does usually indicate if a passage of time has happened).
Plot notes
I would just like to say on a personal level that the entire "blowing smoke up the ladies vaginas and asses" thing was a bit too much for me.
Let's never forget that Zachariah blew smoke up into the Contessa Luccia's asshole for several minutes and "crimped it shut". After which Luccia expelled the vapour into Belinda's vagina. The Contessa farted into Belinda's vagina. We all read this, it happened.
Things have gotten worse for Des Martin, who answers Belinda's call in the middle of a Sunday night and agrees to act as her driver. The inclusion of him wearing a chauffeurs hat either suggests he does this part-time or it's a regular thing he does to please Belinda (not sure which is worse for him). He is also now living out of a bedsit for one.
Reality check
We last saw Sam on day 25. In a mere 28 days, Sam has moved to London, been hired by the Ritz and progressed to the rank of Manager. Given he was doing night shift work at a local B&B this is quite the promotion.
It was said that "carbon monoxide vapours" slowly rose to the ceiling from under the cushions. It's not said that they were part of the 'pyrotechnic' display nor why cushions are emitting carbon monoxide. This should be checked out as they are in an underground vault with little ventilation and that shit can kill you.
The Tamarix Flute is alleged to be a myth and a completely safe drug. Rocky is going to some lengths to give Belinda a sexy vice that isn't bad or realistic.
Vaginal smoking is said to be a tradition in Java so, erm, go you Rocky I guess.
Belinda manually dials out Des Martins number on her iPhone, suggesting she cares so little for him she won't even save him on her device.
Belinda and Sam have sex on the stainless steel countertops of the Ritz hotels' kitchen. Given most hotels offer 24-hour room service there must have been staff silently bearing witness to the couple's exploits.
Racism/generalisation alert
Zachariah calls the ladies "creatures of the puff" which last time I checked was hate speech (I've been called a creature of the puff many times and it never stops hurting).
Day54
Summary
Monday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda attends a crisis meeting at Steele's
Sir James confirms the existence of the Tri-Oxy Brillo range to Tony and Belinda
They agree to hire an MI6 contact of Jim Walters, whom Belinda met on Day 37
Belinda goes to meet James Spooner at the Pentra Hotel
Belinda and Spooner spend the night together at the Hotel
James Spooner
Continuity alert
This day appears to follow on directly after the previous chapter.
Plot notes
Belinda arrives at work at 4:09 pm, over seven hours late for work. She had stayed in Central London the night before so no real explanation is given.
Tony had to cut his honeymoon short to attend the meeting, he likely left for the honeymoon yesterday (Sunday) meaning he would have barely even gotten to where he was going.
There is no reason why Belinda, Tony and Sir James should have ruled themselves out of being 'The Special One'. They have no information which clears any of them and their blind trust in each other could have been a big problem.
Belinda and Tony entirely rule out anyone other than Bisch being the source of the mole for no reason. The main reason that they suspected Herr Bisch's company is that Berlin seemed to be near Helga's Amsterdam office (they circled the words Berlin and Amsterdam together and said "bingo". I know, I have no idea either.
Belinda is described as "leaving for London" to meet Spooner, however, she is already in greater London and the Pentra is within 240 meters of her office.
Belinda was only meeting James Spooner to hire him, why is she staying at the hotel? She lives in central London.
Belinda's brain is described as "weeping". Suggesting it either feels emotions independently of Belinda's consciousness or is physically weeping and secreting some fluids. Neither is a good thing.
When Spooner turns the laser on Belinda she suddenly realises the possibility that he may not be who he claimed to be. Displaying that Belinda did nothing to authenticate him and could have been easily led astray and killed.
Spooner stripped Belinda in the hallway of a Hotel, possibly in front of staff and other guests.
Foreshadowing
Sir James agrees to assign some additional security on Prof. Slinz in case he is kidnapped. He is later kidnapped and there seemed to be no security detail on him.
Tony specifically says not to trust the kindly ladies or valued spouses in the company. Rocky was really spelling it out for us, as we don't know any of Steele's spouse outside Giselle.
Paddy the barman asks Belinda if she was "drinking on the job" at the Pentra, but she was scheduled to meet Spooner at 9:15 pm. So either Paddy can fuck off questioning her drinking when she is already finished her working day, or he somehow knows she has something to attend to. Given Paddy is present at the end of the book in the crisis meeting perhaps he knows more than he lets on.
Reality check
How on earth could the leather gloves touching the leather walls activate a hidden door?
Spooner's cufflink laser is strong enough to cut through her clothes and Rocky said the laser "pierced her forehead" so logically there must be a long laser cut/burn running down the length of her body. The book said it "pierced her", ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.
Day55
Summary
Tuesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Spooner have breakfast at the Pentra Hotel
Spooner is brought into Steele's as a freelance IT specialist to investigate the team
Spooner assesses Bella by the photocopier
Belinda and the rest of the Glee team have drinks in the Pentra, recounting meeting Spooner for the first time
Spooner breaks into Belinda's office to investigate her but is discovered by Giselle
Giselle takes Spooner to Cricklewood Pumping Station
Gladys
Continuity alert
Spooner discovers that Belinda is due to visit Paris "this week" and then visit Scotland on the Saturday of the following week. Sadly this is completely wrong and a contradiction of what occurs. Belinda travels almost directly from Paris to Scotland for the confrontation with The Special One.
Plot notes
It's implied that Belinda stayed at the hotel to maintain the pretence that Spooner and herself were lovers. Not sure how this would disguise the fact that she was hiring a former MI6 agent as it does nothing to mask his identity. I would imagine doing this so close to work would be a greater risk of being uncovered than pretending he was a lover.
Belinda tells Jim Thompson to drive Spooner to the Pentra, it's only a few hundred meters guys.
Belinda suggests that Spooner might be bisexual, which is likely just to mask his lack of interest in her as a suspect. That being said, if it were true it would be the first suggestion of a man having a same-sex attraction. Given that every woman in this series seems to have them it's about damn time.
They seem to out Jim Thompson as gay or bi. Not much is known about Jim Thompson and he's never had sex in these books so he might very well be. Shame his colleagues aren't very discreet.
Spooner is fairly incompetent, but at least he had the common sense to suspect Belinda too.
Spooner uses spy equipment a few times in front of Giselle, not sure how discreet he thought he was being.
Giselle's degenerative hair condition returns and she removes handfuls of hair from her head as she has sex with Spooner. He should have been bewildered by this as they never once discussed her condition before sleeping together. She also lost all of her hair on Day 25 so it can't have grown back much by now, certainly not enough to have 'handfuls' of it.
It's sort of confirmed that Spooner is bisexual. Previously, Belinda speculated he might be (as to cover for him not being interested in Bella). However in chapter 8 when he thinks he didn't give Giselle an orgasm he remembers a "lights out" incident with Tommy Stoneshire in which he presumably had similar problems.
Foreshadowing
When Spooner clears Bella of being 'The Special One' he admits to himself that he could be wrong and that he has been wrong before. Given that the special one eventually outs herself at a time entirely of her choosing, he accomplishes nothing at Steele's Pots and Pans. What a state.
Giselle drives Tony's Jaguar which is later destroyed in the bombing of Steele's Pots and Pans
Giselle openly complains about her husband's ability to pleasure her, they were only married a matter of days ago. This very crisis at Steels is what's preventing her from being on her Honeymoon.
Reality check
Spooner merely questioned Bella about her recent travels and cleared her of being a mole based on almost nothing. He also took her at her word.
Giselle has to drive Spooner from the office to the Pentra. Both are located in Heathrow Airport so it shouldn't take long. She decides to go "the long way around" via Cricklewood, which is a 45-minute drive away in the wrong direction. Overall it would have added 90 minutes to the trip if they didn't stop.
Right, so Giselle and Spooner run (fully naked) from the Brent Reservoir to the Cricklewood Pumping Station. These two locations are about a mile apart and would require them to run through a primarily residential area.
Belinda Bitched
The second she has Spooner hired she sends Giselle and Bella out of the office and tells Spooner to "search their desks and stuff". No love lost between the Glee team as she wastes no time lying and betraying their trust in her. She also tells Spooner to get them drunk and interrogate them. Plus, how likely would it be that The Special One keeps incriminating documents inside their desk?
Spooner calls Belinda and Bella a "pair of mules"
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda is imminently due to visit Penelope Pollet in Paris.
Belinda is due to visit Steele's factory in Scotland on Saturday Week.
10 days later
Day65
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda trims her pubic hair in front of a webcam in her office
Belinda conducts a bi-daily sales meeting with her team, in which she reduces an RSM to tears and calls another one a "stupid goon"
Belinda visits Paris to have a meeting with Penelope Pollet and Fivecarre Hypermarkets
Belinda and Penelope watch a show at "La Moulin Marron"
Belinda is taken backstage to meet Mistress Sweetjuice
In East Berlin, The Special One meets with Herr Bisch
The Special One receives a €1,000,000 advance for her services, a quarter of the total
Mistress Sweetjuice
The Special One
Herr Bisch
Continuity alert
Belinda notes that she has grown out her pubic hair and it's now a "glorious full bush". Her vagina was described as being shaved less than three weeks ago with Hank Skank in Texas. Can you really grow out a glorious full bush in less than three weeks?
The Herr Bisch meeting at the end of book three takes place two weeks after Day 51, placing it here. Book four then starts immediately after day 51 itself meaning that a considerable part of book four takes place before that meeting creating this unusual temporal anomaly.
Every indication of the weather so far leads us to believe it's summer or autumn. However, in Germany, it seems to be winter.
Plot notes
The idea of Belinda hastily brushing the pubic hair off her desk as she welcomes people into her office for a meeting is haunting.
Belinda is described as being a mere "resident" of planet Earth, bringing up once again the terrifying possibility that she is an alien or an android.
Belinda says "God I'm good" out loud while having sex with Mistress Sweetjuice. I would say that would be fairly off-putting while shagging someone.
It was said that Belinda, Bella and Giselle all had promotions recently. The only promotions that were explicit were that of Bella and Giselle. We don't know what position Maeve held before her current role, and Belinda was hired two months ago not promoted.
The Special One seems to admit that in betraying Steele's she is also betraying her family. Bella and Belinda have no known family ties to Steele's, however, Giselle is engaged to the MD. 'Family' could be used as an expression of being close to the other employees, but already included 'friends' and 'business friends' in her summation.
It's made quite clear that the special one has not yet delivered anything to Bisch, meaning no lasting damage has yet been dealt.
The Special One's life may be in danger as Herr Bisch indicated. It remains unclear if Bisch himself was threatening her or noting that the situation was dangerous.
Foreshadowing
Bisch is mentioned as being more flexible for suppliers than Steele's, whatever the fuck that means.
Reality check
Belinda uses sex as a reward to keep her staff competitive with each other. She then allows successful members of her team to have their way with her in front of the other staff during a business meeting. In reality, this sort of conduct usually ends in an inquiry.
At a specific moment during the performance at La Moulin Marron every candle, phone and light went out at once. So the lights would be easy to turn off at a specific moment. The candles would be more of a challenge but still achievable if the candles were in specific places. Turning off every phone in the building on command would require either advanced hacking skills or more likely an electromagnetic pulse device. Either way, this seems extremely unlikely for a downtrodden second-rate theatre in Paris.
Ok let's break down Mistress Sweetjuice's balloon entrance
Mistress Sweetjuice was specifically said to have been covered by 1,001 balloons. The average volume of a standard party balloon would be 0.028 cubic meters. 1,001 of them would be 28 meters of volume meaning that even ignoring the volume of her own body and the free space between balloons, she would be in a mass of balloons at least 3 meters on all sides. Likely much larger taking into account her body and the gaps that would be needed between balloons.
The balloons are tied together with liquorice strings, that would not hold up well under heavy lights or over the time it took to tie 1,001 of them to her body.
Also, each balloon seems to be filled with food. I am not sure I would so eagerly eat food that was placed inside a rubber balloon (likely forced into it before being inflated) and you'd run the risk that someone breathed into the balloon to inflate it. No thanks.
She pops each balloon with a sharpened carrot (why I couldn't tell you) "quickly". If we generously say that she did one every second, it would still take her 16 minutes and 40 seconds to pop all the balloons.
Belinda licking the "warm" dairy cream off Mistress Sweetjuice was said to have taken hours. That's putrid.
Not sure how possible it is to crack a whip made of marshmallow?
"East Berlin" hasn't existed since 1990.
Belinda Bitched
Belinda calls Patrick O'Hamlin a "stupid goon" during a status meeting. Fairly unprofessional behaviour there.
Belinda addresses Ken by the name "Ken Fucking Dewsberry" which causes him to cry as he's described as having "moist eyes". Manager of the fucking year our Belinda is...
Penelope Pollet calls Belinda a "simple bitch".
Belinda thought that Mistress Sweetjuice was so large that she "resembled a balloon herself". She even notes to herself that it was a mean thing to say.
Day66
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda takes the "Europa Bullet Train" from Paris to London
James Spooner arrives before Belinda and tails her from the Airport
Belinda meets with her contact Helga (!) at a Church somewhere in Scotland, who informs her that she has been compromised.
Belinda, Helga and Spoons return to Belinda's hotel
Mimi
Continuity alert
Earlier it was said that she would be flying from LCY to Scotland but seems to have gone a different way.
She took a train to London, a flight to Hull and another flight to Scotland. Why couldn't she have flown directly from Paris to Scotland? Would have saved her a hell of a lot of time.
Plot notes
It's made clear that Belinda has some sort of food poisoning or upset stomach from licking warmed cream off another woman's body. Shocking.
Helga is so shit as an agent that she goes all the way to Scotland to tell Belinda she was 'compromised' without knowing who it was. I'm sure if she was tracking Belinda (and investigating this entire ordeal) she would either know that Belinda had hired James, or that James was formerly of MI6.
While undercover and trailing Belinda in the rain, Spooner's first instinct is to go over and put her under his trenchcoat to protect her. A fucking brilliant agent he's turning out to be.
James says that "the investigation had quickly escalated within Whitehall's corridors of power" meaning the British government were now involved. We last directly saw Spooner 11 days ago so this is a huge development for Rocky to have told us nothing about.
Why is there a gun in Belinda's room?
Why is Helga actively investigating this on her own now, last we heard she was passing on "all she knew" at the wedding which was that there was a mole.
Belinda and Helga let a mysterious stranger come up to their room when they are fully aware a mysterious stranger with a gun was chasing them.
If Spooner was trying to be discreet, why did he have the receptionist ask permission for him to come up?
Spooner clears Belinda of being the Special One upon Belinda's word.
Reality check
Belinda references starting this job "all those months ago". It's been just two months.
Belinda is 'surprised' that it's raining in Scotland, she must have never heard of Scotland before this trip.
Belinda has done nothing to deserve having a gun pulled on her. Spooner seems to have decided Belinda is the Special One before seeing her do anything which would make him believe that.
When Spooner is giving chase he pulls out a gun. He is doing this job as a freelance agent and is not here under the command of MI6 so what gives him the authority to kill Belinda if she is the special one?
Day67
Summary
Sunday - Date unknown (2015)
Helga disappears overnight. Belinda and Spooner head for the factory.
The Glee team are reunited. Maeve is also present for some reason.
Professor Slinz demonstrates the properties of the Tri Oxy Brillo pan.
The employees of Steele's have an orgy.
Giselle is revealed to be The Special One and kidnaps Slinz
Giselle returns to (East) Berlin to deliver Slinz
The Steele's crew return to London and set up the C.O.C.K
A shadowy figure sets off a bomb in Steele's car park, causing unknown injuries and deaths
Professor Slinz
George Macintosh
Neil McDuff
Toffee Apple Chew
Shadowy Figure?
Continuity alert
A potentially unlimited energy source is unveiled which would genuinely change the world but is not acknowledged for the achievement it is. (See reality).
How did nobody notice Giselle dragging Slinz away from the orgy?
How did nobody notice Giselle was carrying a gun in a band around her thigh?
Giselle is strong enough to carry Slinz on her shoulder through a window, and nobody chases after them.
Plot notes
Giselle, Bella and Maeve have no real reason for being at the factory.
Asking someone to "insert their DNA" into them is an awful way of consenting to sex.
It's established that today is a Sunday but it's full steam ahead at the Steele's Factory.
Whatever about Maeve and the Glee Team being there, Spooner as a London-based IT contractor who started working 12 days ago, had no reason to be there.
Helga's accent work continues to impress, having a Dutch/Texan/Scottish concoction at the orgy.
Maeve is very heavy-handedly set up to be suspicious throughout the beginning of this day and vanishes. No reason for her disappearance is given and once she "disappears" she doesn't reappear until London.
Why does Giselle ask Belinda to update her CV when she is revealed to be the Special One?
Why were appliances and toastie makers stored on the ceiling in a big net? Furthermore, why were there kitchen appliances and toastie makers there at all, they are a pots and pans company?
Paddy The Barman is serving drinks, is he on loan from The Pentra? Also, there were 'others' there serving wine. How did they hire them for this temp job in the 6 hours since The Special One was revealed? Can they be trusted?
It is specifically said that Tony's Jag was the thing that exploded. Gieselle clearing up a loose end? Does he know more than he's letting on?
Foreshadowing
Say what you want about Rocky Flintstone's writing, he heavily foreshadowed Giselle would be the Special One.
Reality check
Helga's cover in Steele's factory is never explained, she was already supposed to be undercover with Peter Rouse's organisation.
The Trioxy Pan. Right, so if there was either a chemical coating or metallurgical process that would cause a container to boil water in a second, and it was cheap enough to incorporate into a pan, it would change the world. It could be deployed on a larger scale to power energy reactors and potentially be a transformative clean energy technology (depending on how resource intensive making the technology is). The fact that a small company in the UK developed it to heat beans is absurd. Furthermore:
How would you wash a pan that boils any water which touches it?
How could you touch the inside of it?
How could you control the heat with which it cooks things? What if you only need a half-heat to melt or simmer something?
If it can boil water in a second would it constantly be heating the water in the air around it in your kitchen making it humid?
In the time it took Professor Slinz to bow the four women took their clothes off in their entirety.
The entire factory joined Belinda, Bella, Giselle, Maeve and Slinz in their orgy at 7 am on a Sunday.
Belinda astutely notes that male nipples are functionless.
Belinda calls Giselle her best friend. Belinda only knows her 2 months, they are merely colleagues (who spend a lot of time apart due to business trips) and I would have argued that she was closer to Bella.
Giving someone a blowjob is not the normal reaction when you've been shot at and betrayed by your 'best friend'. Is this how Belinda deals with trauma? What am I saying of course that's how she deals with it. Great character work Rocky she's consistent.
Why did The Duchess ride a horse from Epsom to Heathrow for the meeting? Did she ride the horse on open highways and roads? It would have taken her at least 2 - 3 hours to get there if so. Poor Toffee Apple Chew.
If the bomber wanted to stop Steele's then why call in a bomb threat in advance giving them a warning? The bomb threat was called in mere moments before the explosion so it wasn't much of a warning if it legitimately was a warning.
BOOK INTRO
Belinda Blinked 5:
Belinda Blumenthal, worldwide Sales Director of Steeles Pots and Pans is in big trouble. Can the sexiest girl in sales continue to remove her brassiere whilst the evil grows...
Length71 pages
Published 2019
Chronology note: This book begins immediately after book four, on Day 67. As this book contains fewer direct references to the days events take place, more liberties have to be taken to properly place the events on this timeline.
Day67
Summary
Sunday - Continued - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda momentarily dies and ascends to Heaven
The C.O.C.K members recover after George bombs Steele's car park.
George and Giselle reunite in East Berlin before they meet with Herr Bisch
Bella is taken to hospital after being knocked into a coma
None
Continuity alert
This chapter mostly flashes between the aftermath of the bombing (at Heathrow Airport in London) and George returning to East Berlin that night. It's surprising that George can return to Germany so fast, given London would most likely shut down all airports after that terrorist attack at Heathrow. The terrorist attack also seemingly targeted the head of MI5 (The Duchess) so George is likely one of the most wanted men in the world after this event but seems to be able to travel freely.
The entire chapter plays out before any emergency services arrive, and it's implied they only arrived after they were called. Given airports have their own emergency response units it's very surprising that nobody at one of the worlds busiest airports called them when they saw an explosion large enough to make a massive crater.
Spooner is said to be returning from Duty-Free shopping in the airport when he discovers the blast. He was at the C.O.C.K meeting so should have been present for the explosion.
While the Berlin events are interwoven, it would have been several hours after the Steele's car park incident for obvious reasons.
Reality check
Giselle starts off this chapter 704 miles away from Heathrow in "East Berlin". The entirety of Germany is less than 704 miles from Heathrow, putting the Bisch "East Berlin" HQ somewhere in Poland, Czechia or Austria.
The reigns of Toffee Apply Chew were completely destroyed by the explosion but the horse was fine.
Remarkable how Tony's car exploded and he ended up with barely a scratch on him.
At the end of book four, twenty 'characters' were inducted into C.O.C.K. However, when entering the car park Maeve confirms that Belinda/Bella/Maeve/Des/Tony/Patrick/Bill (also The Duchess and Sir James) we in the car park. Nine people were at the explosion but Spooner only counts eight survivors...
Bella's heartbeat is stated to have stopped, as Spooner was trying to 'punch' it back to life. Technically that counts as another death in the Belinda Blinked storyline. Belinda also died technically.
Plot notes
Belinda sustains injuries that are so severe she temporarily goes to Heaven, yet when she returns to Earth is completely fine. Also, given she has a direct line to god (she communicated with God at Giselle's wedding) perhaps she is truly special and protected.
Tony was getting into his car which exploded in the last chapter. The force of the explosion was so severe it causes a crater in the car park and made the surrounding tarmac "fizz". Turns out he is completely uninjured.
There's "human debris" which to me implies bits of people blown apart. Nobody is seriously injured in this explosion apart from Bella, and even then nothing serious.
Sir James' late wife Anabelle is mentioned in the books for the first time, previously being mentioned in a Q&A. She's the one it's implied he killed in a skydiving accident so he could inherit Steele's.
After being involved in a terrifying bombing in which she was thrown from a horse (who had been close enough to the explosion to have its reigns destroyed) head of MI5 (The Duchess) immediately rushes to a stripping Belinda (to treat a colleague's wounds) so as to not "miss the show". Eye on the prize there Gertrude.
Des Martin's emasculation continues, and a bit unfairly if you ask me. Des was injured severely enough that "rivers of blood" were pouring down his face. He's described as "crying a bit actually" as if crying after being in a bombing is something pathetic.
I want to know more about George's multicoloured robe. Given he is the most wanted man in the world he's not going for subtlety.
When George returns to the Schloss, a naked Giselle jumps from a laying down position to her knees (?). Then, asks him to perform oral sex on her (which he politely declines). Without asking for consent she then performs oral sex on him while asking him questions about his mission. His declining her advances previously made it clear Giselle...
In further proof of how shit Spooner is, he deduces that the bomb blast was by Giselle but not because she's the Special One betraying Steele's, but is doing it for life insurance on her husband?
Bella's lifeless body was said to be surrounded by smoke and flames, but she has no burn damage later.
When Belinda is trying to resuscitate Bella Rocky says they have been friends for 'oh so long'. In reality, they have only been colleagues for 45 days as they first met on Day 22.
Giselle's Motivations
In this chapter, it's implied her motivations are cash and cocktails at the thought of being paid. Whereas by the end of this book it's stated her mothers' ill health is the reason...
She grinds her teeth together in hatred when thinking about Belinda. Later in the book, when Giselle reveals she did this all for her sick mother, there isn't any of this hatred for Belinda and reveals she liked her all along.
Belinda Bitched
Des Martin was badly injured in the bombing, but Belinda wastes no time reminding him that his wife has left him and implies she might now be interested in him because of the facial scarring he will have sustained.
Giselle calls Belinda a "pumped up bitch" and grinds George's penis in hatred.
Day74
Summary
Sunday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and the members of C.O.C.K have a sort of wake for Bella.
Belinda has a 'meeting' with Bella's Doctor.
Bella is roused (oooh err) awake by the ability to sense others having sex nearby.
Doctor Veronica Studd
Continuity alert
Bella has been in a coma for a week, as the terrorist attack was a week before.
Nothing is said of any police response to the terrorist attack. No investigation, questioning from police, media coverage or international manhunt for Giselle or George. Let's not forget that currently Belinda and C.O.C.K. know they are guilty of kidnapping, bombing an airport and industrial sabotage. This would be all over the news for the week.
Doctor Studd said she saw the Venus de Milo in Italy twenty-something years ago. The Venus de Milo has been in Paris since 1820, meaning the doctor is either over 300 years old (we can't really rule that out in the Rocky Flintstone universe) or Doctor Studd is so uncultured she saw a statue in Italy and made a presumption.
Plot notes
It was said that every 'card wearing member' of C.O.C.K (and paddy the barman?) was present in Bella's hospital room. Let's not forget that there are about 20 people in C.O.C.K.
Belinda cried looking into Bella's eyelids knowing 'the day had finally come'. Had Belinda been anticipating her death for a while? Was her coma so bad that for the last week she was on the brink of death? In less than 30 minutes from this moment, Bella is out of the coma and discharged from the hospital.
It seems that even after a high profile terrorist attack, Steele's (and indeed MI6 with The Duchess) have not informed British or German authorities of the international kidnapping of a presumably German citizen from a fellow EU country. Choosing instead to resolve the matter themselves. Especially concerning given The Duchess only gets involved after Belinda and Spooner fail to apprehend Herr Bisch on their first attempt.
If someone like Monty takes a redundancy package, they can no longer be on the payroll as their role is non-existent
It's already been a week since Slinz was kidnapped. Who is to say he hasn't already died or divulged the Trioxy Brillo plans at this point? Also, the plan to save him will be formulated in a further two weeks. Really taking their fucking time with this.
This was Doctor Studd's first meeting with Belinda. Why? In the 45 days they have been friends, is Belinda listed as Bella's next of kin? What about Bella's large family in bloody East London? Also, if she has been in a coma for a week (with Belinda considering her close to death) then why is her primary doctor only meeting the next of kin a week later. Was she going to pull the bloody plug?
At this first meeting, Doctor Studd says nothing of Bella's condition or treatment. Instead, immediately seducing Belinda and having sex with her. In a hospital. In front of a patient. Also, when the 'paramedics, neuroscientists and ward sisters' rush in they would have discovered Belinda, Bella and Doctor Studd completely naked having sex.
Belinda notes that the Doctors vagina is healthy and that she must consume at least seven fruits and vegetables an hour. Considering Belinda said before she consumes peanuts as her primary source of protein, this dietary expectation is not surprising.
Bella's first request upon exiting her coma was a 'McMassive Meal Deal'. This was a thing. In 1993 it was a type of burger in McDonald's offered in promotion with the release of the film 'Jurassic Park'. Given that Bella was about 20-22 years old in 1993, she is just probably casting her mind back. Searching the web for 'cheese string salsa' however, yielded no results.
Bella gives a nice shout out to the National Health Service, although Rocky casts it in a fairly negative light. It's worth noting that the NHS does not conduct itself in this manner.
Belinda's Calendar
The next meeting of C.O.C.K is two weeks yesterday at 3.05 pm (which will be Saturday, day 87. Rather specific.
13 days later
Day87
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
George and Giselle are welcomed back to East Berlin by Bisch.
Belinda 'greets' Monty after getting lost in the 'world of London'.
Belinda attends the first meeting of C.O.C.K at the safe house.
Maeve is promoted to Giselle's old role and is inducted into the Glee team.
Slinz is revealed to have been chained up for 20 days since his kidnapping.
Monty
Continuity alert
As Rocky has not stated the East Berlin section of this chapter takes place before this day, it's worth noting that George and Giselle have been in East Berlin for 20 days without meeting Bisch. Bisch seems to have already been given custody of Slinz and locked him up. Why did they wait 20 days to meet Bisch and then start torturing Slinz? Lucky for Belinda eh?
Tony calls George and offers him a job for Steele's, helping with the recent terrorism. This plot point is never referenced again.
Tony has fully moved on from Giselle in favour of Maeve. While this may seem sudden, it has been 20 days since Giselle outed herself and left Tony. Giselle and Tony's engagement was 16 days and their marriage lasted only 15 days.
Plot notes
I love the detail that Belinda went to the safe house without knowing the street address or postcode and got lost. Very on character. She stumbles upon the house by accident after getting scared.
Belinda chooses an access phrase for the safe house ('My uncle is well') as a direct homage to the brothel she visited on day 29 ('My auntie is sick').
After meeting Monty, Belinda performs oral sex on him in the middle of central London without saying a word to him or asking for consent. He also doesn't say a single word to her in response or even acknowledges it.
Belinda's 'fifth sense' is mentioned as being aware of peoples desires of the heart. Given people already have five senses it throws up the possibility Belinda suffers from a lack of a sense never explicitly divulged:
Sight is a no brainer for Belinda. She sees things in these books all the time.
Touch is something Belinda has experienced countless times (some might say too many times).
Taste is a sense she has, given in the previous chapter she tasted Doctor Studd's 'zippy insides'.
Hearing is another definite sense she has, given she can hear people and talk back.
Smell again is there, she smelled the smoke when Spooner lasered her down the face and the smell of the explosion.
Scratch that, she's just thick.
Belinda notes that 'something was telling her Tony was into Maeve'. When Belinda entered the room Tony was spreading Maeve's ass cheeks apart. Maybe it was that?
Slinz being chained up "without water" would kill him, given he was handed over to Bisch almost three weeks ago.
Belinda's Calendar
Tony organises to meet George for some work next Monday in London at 10 am (Monday, day 89). This never happens.
Day88
Summary
Sunday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda wakes up in Spooner’s Apartment and has sex with him after casually agreeing to become an MI5 agent.
Belinda and Spooner travel to ‘RADS’ for some acting lessons
Gerramima St Frostfurst
Plot notes
Spooner builds the shower himself and was glad it was getting some use. Does he not use it himself?
Spooner says Belinda wanted to be a Spy but we never really heard this before.
Belinda says Tony has slashed her operating budget based on 2023 profit projections. These projections would be 8 years in the future at this point and she has been with the company for fewer than 3 months.
Belinda astutely notes that knowing someone's name gives an interaction ‘a personal touch’. *slow clap* Well done Belinda.
Gerramima’s name is ‘code word’ suggesting it isn’t her real name. The intrigue!
Eight air kisses from Gerramima is very European.
Belinda’s acting goes from being unable to so much as a smile on cue, to completely fooling an acting teacher with 25+ years of experience. And the Oscar goes to...
Seducing an admittedly low rent acting teacher for what could have been 2 minutes is enough to certify her for MI5 duty, which Gerramima is somehow authorised to do on her own.
Reality check
Giving an untrained civilian MI5 access on the whim of a bad agent is quite a leap. Not to mention the timeline of her progression, first suggested on a Sunday morning to going on her first undercover mission 48 hours later with a single brief acting lesson in between.
Gerramima accurately breaks down that acting is the art of pretending to be other people.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda and Spooner will travel to East Berlin next Tuesday (Day 90).
Belinda Bitched
While imagining Petra’s hair colour she imagines her being grey-haired retorting \“god forbid!". The Duchess is later said to have white hair (when they meet in East Berlin) so Belinda has some complex feelings for The Duchess it seems.
Belinda and Spooner have an intense aversion to people from Liverpool. Belinda shudders at the thought and Spooner tells her to \“dear god be careful".
Belinda calls Gerramima an ‘old tart’.
Day90
Summary
Tuesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda (Smiffy) and Spooner (Mr Tea) land in East Berlin and go to the Bisch HQ.
George interrogates Slinz about the whereabouts of the Tri Oxy brillo blueprints.
Slinz dies after committing suicide, due to being kidnapped and tortured for 3 weeks.
Belinda and Spooner meet with Petra to discuss Bisch’s life assurance policy, with Spooner seducing Petra and Belinda seducing a random office assistant.
Belinda discovers that Herr Bisch has paid €1,000,000 to Giselle.
Spooner and Belinda attend dinner at Herr Bisch’s Schloss.
Giselle and George run away with the body of Slinz.
Belinda and Spooner escape the Schloss of Herr Bisch thanks to Mimi.
The Duchess is revealed to be the overall head of British Intelligence.
Belinda returns to London in the early hours of Wednesday morning and watches TELLY with Bella. Belinda is first exposed to Cosmo Macaroon.
Petra, Edmund (‘Mr. Thick Rimmed’)
Continuity alert
Between books 4 and 5, Spooner is interchangeably said to be either MI5 or MI6. For reference, MI5 handles British national security and MI6 handles foreign intelligence. Spooner would most likely be MI6 given he has spoken about international missions not to mention this mission in ‘East Berlin’.
Belinda is ‘a few feet shorter than Spooner’. While no exact height is ever given for Belinda, she has never been described as short and was noted as being considerably taller than Jim Sterling. I would opt that Spooner is likely above 7 feet tall given when we first meet him he casually kisses ‘the crown’ of Belinda’s head indicating he was a lot taller than her. Not the most discrete spy really on a whole other level.
In the time it takes Belinda and Spooner to leave dinner get to The Duchess from the Schloss, MI5 already know that Giselle and George have fled the continent to Australia. How? The drive was only said to have taken minutes and seconds and the dinner was abandoned minutes into it.
Plot notes
Slinzs’ manslaughter (there, I said it) is a fairly grim milestone. Why do Steele’s make employees commit to such extreme measures?
Bisch is getting life assurance despite being publicly wheeled to hospital for a chronic asthma attack in front of those supposedly sent to seal the deal.
The Bisch HQ is (at least) 72 stories tall, some 29 stories above the tallest building in Berlin that we know of.
That poor German office worker Edmund crying and falling asleep seconds after having sex (at work) with a woman who only asked to help photocopy some stuff.
Belinda screams out her mission and findings in an office seconds after uncovering it.
Belinda’s ass is prehensile enough to press the correct photocopier button while she isn’t looking.
How did Belinda fit an entire folder into her shoe? Not even a boot...
Belinda seemingly told Chiara ‘everything’ about her undercover mission in East Berlin. Not very discrete.
The dungeon containing Slinz is said to be 200 meters below ground level, which would equate to 60 or so stories in standard building height. Quite the architectural achievement for a standard Schloss.
Belinda tries to pull up Spooner's kilt by creating an air vortex with her hands.
Bisch is described as having a ‘sleeping mattress’ but not a bed. The image of him alone on a mattress in the corner of a sparsely furnished room is hilarious.
Belinda seemingly applied for a job with Bisch. During the undercover dinner, Belinda gets one sentence in before Bisch unravels her real identity.
Despite being ‘her Majesty’s favourite’ and an MI5/MI6 agent (decide please Rocky), Spooner only had a licence to hurt despite carrying a gun several times.
In the terror and anxiety of escaping death and Herr Bisch, Spooner performs oral sex in the back of the getaway car while poor Mimi drives them to the head of British Intelligence.
The Duchess and Spooner are proud of Belinda’s actions as a spy, despite Belinda losing her shit minutes into the operation, failing to maintain cover for even one minute and abandoning the mission without gathering any intelligence on the plans or Slinz.
The trading partnership Bisch is a member of is enough to ensure immunity from the British government, despite them knowing he was involved in industrial espionage and the international kidnapping of a legal resident of the UK.
At the end of this very long day (Wednesday early hours, Day 91), Bella and Belinda watch TV at Belindas flat. She asks if Bella has her passport “on her”, indicating the trip to Australia starts on this very day.
Reality check
Belinda merely gets to the lobby of Bisch and tries to abandon the mission because people are hurriedly walking around.
Giselle’s illegal contract and payment information for industrial sabotage, kidnap and eventual manslaughter is casually left on a photocopier in the presence of employees.
Spooner, an international spy for the British government, notices that two shadowy figures are loading a car with a ‘human shaped’ bag and decides to close the curtain to finish having sex with his colleague (slash subordinate). They had been doing this by an open window, knowing that they were also being watched by security.
Chiara’s dress with ‘sleeping zest’ is strong enough to knock out the goons but not herself, Spooner or Edmund.
If the Duchess is the head of British Intelligence it throws all of her previous actions into sharp relief:
She publicly bid on a female slave at a charity auction
She was tied to a bed in a motel by a stranger and left there for 10 hours where staff could have discovered her
She shot out large, silver love egg sex toys in Claridge’s tea rooms, causing her husband (The Duke of Epsom) to have to scuttle around trying to find them.
Topless, she drove around Epsom with Belinda in a convertible car, masturbating openly and is thrown naked on the gravel for her employees to deal with.
Went to nightclubs in London getting wasted.
Frequently rides around London on a horse. Given each time she shows up on Toffee Apple Chew (at Steele’s office in Heathrow, the central London safe house, and later at Spooners Funeral) she would have ridden from Epsom some 20 miles from central London.
Foreshadowing
Spooner is said to be a favourite of the Queen, she will later go on to grant him a full state funeral and personally deliver the eulogy.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda will travel to Australia tomorrow with Spooner and Bella.
Giselle's Motivations
It is worth remembering that Giselle is doing this for her ‘poor mother’. So far she has betrayed her employer, kidnapped a man across international borders and caused him to die after being subjected to weeks of torture.
Belinda Bitched
Belinda calls Giselle a ‘semi-blonde haired bitch’.
Belinda calls Petra a ‘German bitch’ and ‘old German rag’. A bit weird to keep factoring Petra’s nationality into her insults. Does Belinda have a particular dislike for the people of Germany? A bit off considering her mother is said to be German.
Petra returns the favour by calling Belinda and Spooner ‘wholesome and stupid’.
Giselle calls Slinz an ‘academic imbecile’ and George a ‘tosser rotter’.
Character death
Professor Slinz dies in the custody of George and Giselle.
Slinz dies after being suffocated by Giselle, which is later said to have been caused by a suicide pill
Slinz was driven to suicide by Giselle and George who abducted him from Scotland and took him to Germany, chained him in a dungeon for over three weeks, denied him food or water and effectively waterboarded him with Giseslles 'goey wet' and 'water logged' vagina. They are directly responsible for his death despite what is later brushed over. Not to mention his kidnapping and torture.
Day91
Summary
Wednesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda goes to Steele’s, finds out that Sir James has allegedly had a heart attack.
Tony asks Belinda to go to the International Crockery Association event tomorrow, with Bella as her bodyguard.
Belinda and Bella go to Heathrow to depart for Australia, where they meet the Contessa Lucia before Spooner knocks her unconscious.
Belinda gets in a physical altercation with the aircrew aboard the flight, resulting in Belinda meeting Hazel the pilot and Digby Dodd. With whom she has sex and pushes the aircraft into an almost vertical climb. No explanation of the consequences is given.
Didby Dodd
Continuity alert
The crockery event is tomorrow and Tony was still in the office the morning before when a flight from London to Sydney would take around 24 hours (ignoring time to and from the airports). He was cutting it close.
Plot notes
Bella being sent by Steele’s to Australia as Belinda’s bodyguard is... a choice.
Spooner electrocutes the Contessa Luccia in full public view rendering her unconscious. Not sure how discretely this could be done.
Belinda and Hazel screaming (at the top of their lungs) by an open cockpit door would have been alarming for anyone within earshot.
Hazel reduces the technical skills of flying a commercial airliner to playing 25-year-old video games.
Belinda laughed “like a performing clown” at being told she shouldn’t be in the cockpit. She laughed so long that the two pilots were worried. That’s a haunting image.
Plummy twat.
Reality check
Spooner carrying a 3 foot 4 stun gun (just over a meter long) seems extremely over the top to sedate someone. Also, how does that wipe her memory? Did she sustain brain damage?
Both Pilots abandoning their responsibilities in the cockpit, having a threesome with a passenger and leaving some controls active resulting in an uncontrolled ascent would result in an inquiry.
Can you imagine how terrifying and upsetting a (presumably) 747 jet pointed vertically upwards would be? It’s established that this was ongoing while they were having sex and doing nothing about it. The oxygen masks were deployed.
Belinda Bitched
Upon hearing Belinda order water at the airport, Contessa Lucia remarks that "water is for the dogs".
Belinda asks the co-pilot, right in front of Hazel, what it’s like to fly under a woman. The co-pilot correctly remarks what a sexist comment that is.
Crime alert
Upon seeing the unconscious (for all Belinda knew) Luccia, Belinda’s first thought is how best to forge her last will and testament.
The plane being forced into a vertical climb by the pilots and a passenger having sex would have lead to an emergency landing and arrest. The book says that food trays and passengers were displaced while the oxygen masks deployed.
Day93
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Bella arrive in Sydney, Australia.
They meet Cornelius Kettle, the agent of Cosmo Macaroon.
After being kicked out of Mr Kettle’s office, they go to the Shangri-La Hotel's rooftop bar.
They go to a recording of the Cooking with Cosmo tv show and seduce him.
Giselle is revealed to be following them.
Cornelius Kettle, Cosmo Macaroon
Continuity alert
Due to the length of the flight, and the time difference, we join Belinda and Bella in Sydney on Friday day 93.
Belinda and Bella arrived at Cosmo’s show not long before filming, and yet:
They managed to get Cosmo’s show to change the cookware sponsor, which was likely negotiated long before.
They supplied them with Steele’s products to feature in the show.
The show was recorded and broadcast the same night.
Overnight it became the fastest-selling cookware ever. Despite most physical stores being closed during that period and there not really being enough time to track sales across all channels of purchase.
Plot notes
Belinda needs to be "safely harnessed" into her dress.
Why are Belinda and Bella asking the agent of one of the hosts about a product placement proposal? Sure the producers of the show or its network would be a better shout?
Cornelius Kettle rejects Belinda’s advances, a first she notes. This isn’t true a several people have rejected her. Namely, the Duchess when Belinda stayed in Epsom and the ladies in the steam room of the Ritz.
Belinda has to be forcibly removed from the office of Cornelius Kettle. Not long after she got into a physical altercation on board a flight. She’s getting a bit ratty, isn’t she?
Belinda spitting in each pot and pan is quite the image. They were about to film the show surely there would have been people around?
The Oxi Brillo range is $45AUD, which would be £24.59 / €28.62 / $34.84US. A lot more affordable than I personally thought.
Good to hear the Oxi Brillo range is "environmentally nice", despite given no details about how it is.
Why does Belinda still have a pager?!
Reality check
Cosmo Macaroon’s tv show has completed 323 seasons. If there were only 10 episodes in each season that would be enough to watch a new episode every day for almost nine years.
How was Belinda disguising the fact that she was covered in pots and pans lids underneath her "don’t fuck with me I’m a business bitch" dress?
Giselle's Motivations
This is the first time she has expressed an interest in being redeemed and returning to her life in Steele’s.
Day94
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
The Tri Oxi Brillo range is a smash hit after the product placement.
Belinda and Bella are told to take some R&R.
On the train journey, they meet a Spanish backpacker named Quince and stay with him at a hostel.
Quince
Plot notes
They genuinely seem to have forgotten that they were sent to Australia to follow Giselle and recover Slinz. When they successfully get their pots and pans included on Cosmo’s show (that was never part of the original plan or cover story) they take off on a holiday to celebrate and forget their mission.
Day95
Summary
Sunday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda, Bella and the Spanish backpacker spend the day having sex in the outback.
Belinda dismantles all of the bunk beds into one large communal bed, in which they all have an orgy with strangers from various bars in the area.
None
Continuity alert
CONTIN
Plot notes
The utter selfishness and insanity of Belinda dismantling all the beds in her dorm is something else. Just because she didn’t enjoy sleeping on the top bunk she has to ruin it for everyone.
Day96
Summary
Monday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda, Bella and Quince travel to the beach where they have sex in a public location.
They are apprehended by Giselle’s black ops goon squad.
Herr Bisch learns that pretty much everyone else is in Australia and decides to join them, departing that evening.
C.O.C.K. receives word from Agent Spooner that Belinda and Bella have been captured and depart for Australia. Wonder if they saw Bisch on the flight.
None
Continuity alert
Worth noting that after doing arguably a few hours of work, securing product placement on Cosmo’s show, they are now on day three of their holiday. They are supposed to be tracking down Giselle and finding the Tri Oxy blueprints.
Plot notes
Bella has a crippling fear of the sea, refusing to so much as dip a toe in. Several weeks ago she was on a boat in Spain with no problems, however.
Belinda was "bored to tears" by the repetitious nature of splashing water at Quince. That’s a fucking hilarious image to me for some reason. Full-on breakdown while splashing water at him.
Toffee Apple Chew being given cider seems extremely irresponsible.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda was supposed to meet Spooner tonight but failed to show (for obvious reasons). We learn this tomorrow when Spooner is sleeping with Fanny Driller, his concern at Belinda being missing is not evident.
While having nothing against George personally (despite him and his goons apprehending them) she calls him a bastard. Deservedly so I think.
Day97
Summary
Thursday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda and Bella wake up in their jail cell, having not slept a "blink".
Spooner entertains Fanny Driller somewhere far but not too far away (?)
Giselle asks George not to harm Belinda and Bella but he disagrees.
Spooner ruins Belinda and Bella’s escape and is locked up too.
The Jail Man, Fanny Driller
Plot notes
Spooner is described as having drunk "10 martinis too many". How many did he have? Christ, that might partially explain his ineptitude.
Belinda has "double nipples" in this chapter. Ooh err...
Belinda's Calendar
Today was supposed to be the day of the conference, although Belinda could have been saying this to get out of being imprisoned.
Giselle's Motivations
Giselle once again hints that she doesn’t want Belinda or Bella harmed. This is surprising given how venomously she received them yesterday.
Belinda Bitched
Belinda tells Spooner that he is "quite shit" at his job. This is one of the last things she ever says to him.
Day98
Summary
Wednesday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda, Bella and Spooner entertain themselves the only way they know how...
Herr Bisch arrives in Australia and interrogates his staff.
Giselle is revealed to have switched side again and assist the Glee team in escaping.
C.O.C.K arrive and assist the Glee team.
Spooner is killed by George Sylvester.
Bisch and George escape, kidnapping Belinda too for good measure.
Giselle
Plot notes
Giselle is somehow concerned about breaking her wedding vows. Had she intended on being monogamous in her marriage? Very un-Steele’s.
Slinz taking a suicide pill gets nobody out of these various crimes. As previously mentioned he was driven to suicide by weeks of torture and his kidnap.
So many knives and daggers in this encounter.
The RSM’s capture all the goons, but what do they do with them?
Foreshadowing
Spooner is again described as 'Her Majesties Favourite', poor old Lizzy had better get ready for a shock.
Giselle's Motivations
Giselle does a complete 180 and turns on Bisch. No real reason is given for this outside of perhaps guilt. She already has over a million euro so I guess that’s enough for the medical research. However, she still has to answer for the kidnap and death of Slinz.
Character death
Spooner is killed in action by George.
He was rather shit so I won’t mourn him. Had he been more proactive and found Belinda after she failed to show up for their meeting this may not have happened.
BOOK INTRO
Belinda Blinked 6:
Immerse yourself deeper into Belinda’s sexual world of betrayal, big..ish business deals and why the Tri Oxy Brillo range becomes even more important...
Length?? pages
Published 2021
Chronology note: This book begins immediately after book five, on Day 100.
Day100
Summary
Friday - Date unknown (2015)
We're back baby!
Bella, The Duchess and others attend the funeral of James Spooner.
Bella is revealed to have been promoted to Belinda's old job in the 2 days since Belinda "went missing".
Belinda is still in the hot air balloon after almost two days with Bisch and George.
The Queen of England
Continuity alert
This book starts 2 days after the end of book five.
Plot notes
Spooner is being laid to rest in Westminster Abbey and is revealed to be a Laird. The state funeral was organised in two days flat.
It's implied he was an agent who worked personally with the British Royal family.
Bella is devastated at Spooner's funeral but doesn't give a shit about Belinda being missing and presumed dead. Supposedly Bella's best friend.
Toffee Apple Chew's emotional intelligence continues to develop as TAC is painfully aware of what is going on at the funeral.
The funeral is being covered by a news channel. How public was Spooner's work?!
Reality check
Why would the Queen of England give a state funeral and personally deliver the eulogy for Spooner, an MI5 agent? He was her majesties favourite but still. His funeral is attended by thousands and seems to have had an element of public recognition. How does the public know to play the spoons for him?
Ok, Bella and members of C.O.C.K saw Belinda get kidnapped by George and Bisch. They saw it. Yet they have given up searching for Belinda because of a lack of leads? Why are they presuming her dead? They know who has her and why. They have more than enough information to not legally declare her dead in less than 48 hours. They are taking the word of the Deputy CEO of Bisch. She's described as being "lost in the scrub" but they SAW her get kidnapped.
George wants Giselle to see "the inside of his knife". Nothing to add, just loved that.
So was Bisch keeping a hot air balloon (stored underneath a jail) continuously stocked in case it was ever needed for an escape? I mean that's pretty amazing forethought but still, it's not shocking they got sick from the food.
Giselle's Motivations
Giselle is not present after her reveal to have returned to the loyalties of Steele's Pots and Pans.
Day101
Summary
Saturday - Date unknown (2015)
Belinda, George and Bisch are still airborne in that bloody hot air balloon.
Bisch and George succumb to food poisoning.
Belinda causes the hot air balloon to crash land in the Australian "scrub and dust".
Bella tries to adjust to Belinda's role.
Tony is the new Chairman of Steeles Pots and Pans and Des Martin is the new MD.
The Flying Doctor
Plot notes
George blaming Belinda for getting food poisoning is a weird stretch. They clearly had the food on board before they took Belinda.
Bella's struggles to perform Belinda's duties is simultaneously predictable and hilarious. Belinda never really did much work to begin with.
Sir James has stood down from his role in the company in 2 days.
We are told that Sir James is investifating the death of his wife, the one who left him Steeles Pots and Pans. He is suspicious the same forces have kidnapped Belinda. Based on what?
Des Martin being the new MD of Steeles is quite the turnaround for poor Des. Previously he was living in a bedsit, driving around London at Belinda's whim openly weeping in the office.
Reality check
Did they have to land to refuel that bloody hot air balloon at any point?
HOW does Bella have artefacts from the Mary Rose and why is she using them as office decoration. They should be in a museum.
Sometime later, at Christmas
Day??
Summary
Day unknown - Date unknown - December (2015)
Belinda arrives at Steele’s for the Christmas Party along with most of the staff
Belinda meets Peter and Christina Rouse
The Glee Team and the Hunts Girls perform a sexy dance to the heavily copyrighted music from "Diamonds are Forever"
Bella kisses Peter Rouse, to the surprise of Belinda
Doris
Joan
Continuity alert
As no references have been made to when Christmas was in these books and given it would have been mentioned if it already happened, we can presume that the two Christmas chapters have not yet happened as far as the main story has explored. We will presume that this is Christmas 2015 given that no other characters are present that we haven’t heard of in the books.
As book four (or what we have heard so far) all takes place before this, there is a chance that the special one has been outed before this Xmas Party. Belinda, Bella and Giselle are all present with nothing being said about any betrayal. Either the special one isn’t any of them; it had no impact on the company or the Special One hasn’t been discovered yet. Or Rocky didn’t factor this chapter into the timeline.
Rocky says that “seven tits” were revealed during the strip show. Which if taken literally would be unusual for a number of reasons.
Plot notes
Belinda has either had her Mercedes repaired or Steele’s have had to get her another car.
The emasculation of Des Martin continues, with him falling into a puddle of water necessitating him being dressed in a pair of workers overalls at the party and being slapped for no reason by one of the Hunts Girls.
When the “performance” starts there are seven women (Belinda, Bella, Christina, Dorris and Joan) meaning there are two other Hunts girls we weren’t introduced to.
Reality check
Belinda notes that Giselle and Bella were getting a little tipsy, but it was a bit rich coming from her as she had just drunk three mugs of mulled wine.
I can't imagine hiring women to come and strip to full nudity at an office party would be acceptable, especially when colleagues joined in.
Belinda's Calendar
Belinda is due to fly to Brazil for 10 days two days after the Xmas Party.
Day??
Summary
Unknown - Date unknown - December (2015)
Belinda flies to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for her 10-day Christmas Holiday
None
Plot notes
It is later said that Belinda comes back for a Boxing Day (December 26th) party with the Hunts Girls, putting her departure at December 16th at the latest.
Day??
Summary
Saturday - 26th of December, 2015
Belinda goes to a Boxing Day party with the Hunts Girls
None
Plot notes
This may be the only day of the Belinda Blinked books where we know the exact date an event takes place. This all depends on it being Christmas 2015, however, nothing contradicts this from being the case and if it were Christmas (sorry, X-Mas) 2016/2017/2018 there could have been dozens of more books worth of characters being referenced or present.
Day??
Summary
Sunday - Thursday - Between the 26th and 31st of December, 2015
Belinda flies to the Scottish Cairngorms
Belinda attends a party thrown by the Duchess in her family castle
Belinda spends a night with the Duchess and receives a 'gift' of a candy cane
None
Continuity alert
Belinda comments that she was looking forward to her weekend with the Duchess, however at the earliest she left on Sunday so the weekend was mostly over.
The weather for that region of Scotland in 2015 was unseasonably warm. The Aviemore weather station nearby noted it was between 4 and 12 degrees celsius in that time frame.
Plot notes
The Queen of England is revealed to be the godmother of the Duchess
Reality check
Belinda would not have been allowed to take a flask of liquid through security. She describes it as being a big flask too so not smaller than 100ml.
Thousands of candles were balanced on the spruce tree which was as high as the ceiling. The combination of the precariously placed candles and hot dripping wax from the higher placed ones leaves little doubt that it should have burnt the castle to the ground.
The tree was also decorated with ornaments from the time of King Henry VIII, meaning they were almost 500 years old and utterly priceless. The Duchess in all her wisdom placed them on the Christmas tree with the dangerous candles and hot wax.
Given the Duchess's reckless treatment of priceless historical artefacts, it's a shame to later learn she has had children as it would be best to let the Duchess's family tree extinguish.
Day??
Summary
Sunday - Thursday - Between the 26th and 31st of December, 2015
Belinda, The Duchess and Chiara Monteague go cross country skiing
They stop for a break in a bothie and are warned of the weather
The Duchess and Chiara are caught in an avalanche, from which Belinda saves them
The three women take shelter with the old man in the bothie
A well wrapped up, aged, emaciated old man
Continuity alert
From books 1-4 and the Christmas chapters, this is the furthest we go in the story.
Plot notes
The Duchess reveals that she had a child around thirty years ago.
Reality check
The avalanche was so severe that it completely engulfs the Duchess and Chiara but entirely stops in the 30 meters between them and Belinda.
Belinda is strong enough to carry both the Duchess and Chiara back to the bothie.